I Am a Bad Blogger

Daily blogging is one of those activities that makes a lot more sense when you're unemployed. Or at least that's my pathetic excuse for the month of August.

In the interest of full disclosure, here are some other activities at which I tend to fail regularly:

1. Being on time - I don't think tardiness is acceptable, I really don't. That said, there's a gaping hole in my brain where a chip should be, the chip that accurately calculates what time I need to start preparing in order to leave the house at 7:45 a.m. Currently, leaving the house at 7:45 a.m. means that at 7:43 a.m. I'm frantically brushing my teeth, peeing real quick, trying to locate my other shoe, hobbling into the hallway at which point I pass a mirror and realize my outfit looks totally unfinished without earrings, having a small meltdown, changing my jeans, perking up, looking off into space, remembering that thing about breakfast being the most important meal of the day, reorganizing the mustard shelf in my fridge, and getting out the door by 9:15. Approximately seven minutes after this accomplishment, I will realize that I forgot my phone.
2. Keeping my hands out of my mouth - I'm a shameful nail biter. I've been a nail biter as long as I can remember, except during my '95-'96 acrylic nail phase, during which period I rerouted all that nervous energy into diligent split-end eradication (which is a full-time job and requires all kinds of dexterity and precision and makes nail biting seem like amateur hour). I'm not biting my nails in order to make them shorter, I'm merely evening them out. But they're just never quite even enough, see, and I'm not going to give in to in that kind of wacked out asymmetrical world without a fight. To the death.
3. Adequately preparing for special occasions - Have you ever stood in the massively picked-over greeting card aisle at Walgreen's a little past midnight, trying to figure out how to create a Valentine's Day card out of one that says "To a loving grandson, on his 1st birthday"? Welcome to my world.
4. Stocking up on soap - I should just buy a lot of soap at once, instead of buying one bar at a time. I should just stuff an entire cupboard full of soap, so that it's always on hand and readily available when I run out. I really should do that.
5. Chilling out - On a good day, I'm what you might call an anxious person, though I've been told "mother effing spazz" is more accurate. I'm not sure how I became so tightly wound. I think it happened somewhere between getting lost inside K-Mart as a five year old, watching "The Exorcist" for the first time in sixth grade, drinking coffee for dinner throughout my entire senior year of college, and spending the better part of the last decade working in live television. I have been known to worry about worrying. It usually strikes around 3 a.m. and is immediately followed by painful cravings for ice cream.

Comments

[Dennis D]

well it does not really matter how often you blog as long as you update every now and again.
not a big deal at all IMHO. Working and paying the bills is a heck of alot more important then posting a few tid bits of your life on a blog. However that said no matter what you do you sure as heck look good doing it lol. And just what is it you do all day at work anyway these days. I get to do whatever i want at work during the day, which is kinda nice for typing these silly responses on blogs lol. anyhow have a great week.

[George]

Hey Sarah, thanks for finally blogging again!! I must admit that I have added you to my "stalker" list. No, don't worry, I'm not crazy, I just don't have much of a life beyond family and work, so I like to read other peoples trials and tribulations. I love your style, sense of humor and impeccable use of grammar. I look forward daily to checking your blog to see if you have updated it.

I have added your blog to my list of favorites which include: gigglechick.com and kevinrose.com (yeah, sorry).

Keep up the good work, and don't forget to throw us a bone every now and again and update us!

-- G

[Yolanda]

Welcome to the Perfectly Imperfect Club. I'm good with the soap and I could never bite my nails, but I'm with you on the others. A certain TV shrink says late people are self-centered people. But honestly, I'm really that absent-minded that I can forget where I've placed my phone or that my car is out of gas, every single day.

[sarah]

@Yolanda- OMG, the gas! I definitely fail at that. It's like I'm trying to strand myself on the freeway on purpose.

[kenneth]

I'm with you sarah I fail at certain things like I can't stop bitting my nails,I always forget to set my tivo season pass even after I read on the interweb when my favorite shows start,I always forget to call my girlfriend thats a no no(sometimes I wonder why I still have one)and other stuff

[edu]

Yeah. I guess life is all about our imperfec... OMG! You are reading Palahniuk! He's one of my favorites.

[dot19408]

:-)
It's a genetic thing Sarah... We must be related then...

I could set the alarm for 4am with the express intention of getting somewhere 20 minutes away by 8am. I'll roll in, all stressed out, at 8:20

Funny thing is, If I get out of bed at 7:30, I still roll in at 8:20

My wife snuck around the house and set all clocks 25 minutes ahead, I rolled in at 7:55 thinking I was Mr. Together!

I was still 20 minutes late...

[Scott]

Wow, I saw the Exorcist around the time I was in the 6th grade as well. That messed me up for years.

[JustinD(Flickr's DMU)]

Oh c'mon! This is probably the best blog post I've read in a good 19 and 1/3 days. Thanks for reminding me I need to get soap too. Floss is also on the list.

[WonderDonna]

Being on time - it's like you've been secretly watching me all these years. Freaky!

[Glen]

Thanks for the laugh, honest and well written.