Move More, Eat Less. What Else Do I Need to Know?

Earlier this week, my cell phone rang. I have severe phone phobia, which is the term I just made up to describe how I ignore my phone whenever it rings no matter who's calling, be it Ed McMahon or my own mother (who, to her credit, never calls me anymore since I started sitting in her living room 19 hours a day). That day, though, I felt a little wild from my mid-morning nitrous balloon and decided to pick up.

The perky voice on the other end was a woman from my new/temporary/I'munemployedandneedahobby gym, hoping to schedule my "free" personal training session that I, as an esteemed new gym member, am entitled to.

Gyms always throw these little pretend freebies at you, hoping you'll believe that they're honestly just giving you a special gift for signing up. But I know better - personal trainers can't work any magic in one session. And even if they could, they wouldn't. It's a set-up, designed to inform me how bad my body mass index sucks and OMG if I really want to have back problems later in life I should just keep doing my bicep curls LIKE THAT. Information that'll scare me into buying ten easy sessions for the low low price of $750.

I've politely declined "free" initial training sessions at various gyms over the years. But since I don't actually have a job right now, "free" things are no longer ignored, no matter how manipulative they may be under the surface. Free is free. And so the perky personal trainer and I set up an appointment to meet later in the week.

She was appropriately fit in person, which was a nice bonus. We talked about how I don't have any injuries, and that I've always wanted my arms to be a little more defined, and how drinking eight glass of water a day is really important. I liked her, even though she said things like "organic food is 40% more nutritious than regular food," and "soy milk is bad for you because it raises estrogen levels". We did some flexibility tests. I even let her weigh me. But then she pulled out some contraption that measured my fat by pinching it in a vice-like grip and started recording all the humiliating details in a file labeled "Sarah Lane".

"You know, before we go any further, I really should tell you that I'm not interested in paying for personal training sessions," I informed her as sweetly as I could. "I mean, I appreciate you starting a file and writing down all my info and everything, but I just don't want there to be any confusion about why I'm here."

She's used to this, of course, and took my rejection as an opportunity to launch into a robotic speech about levels and foundations and building blocks and pieces of the puzzle - or, reasons that I needed to pay her to watch me do squats. She showed me her accreditation folder, and even a few before/after pics of happily thinner clients. She implied for the fifth time that I really couldn't reach my goals without professional guidance.

I started to feel bad. I'm sure that this woman is an awesome personal trainer, I really am, but this part of her job must really be crappy. Having to switch into sales pitch mode to convince people like me that we need to shell out hundreds of dollars to feel better about ourselves, knowing full well that we won't follow up. I almost felt bad enough to buy a five-session package and spare her the desperation. Almost.

Instead, I thanked her for her time, went home, and ate half a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

 

Comments

[Rishabh "Shooby" Kumar]

I hate turning down all sales people in general. It simply breaks my heart. Nevertheless you have to act like you have a heart of stone and straight up deny them.

Good job Sarah!

[Nashvillan]

Welcome back Sarah!

Phone phobia? You would love my lifestyle. My phone rings probably once or twice a week. I'm sure you could handle that. You deciding on going back to television or pursuing a career elsewhere?

I was going to post a link to a site I found, but figured you get enough of those already so decided otherwise. It was a game called Ricochet Robot. Maybe your hubby could spend 5 minutes playing it.

[John]

Is it too much to spring for $750 and give the lady employment. If you need the money give me a call! (I don't answer my phone either)

[James, Tucson, Arizona]

Sarah: I actually turn down these folks. It is interesting that I get more exercise riding a bike than I would ever get in a 'gym'. It is also interesting to watch these folks drive up (more like fly up) to the local LA Fitness Center, hop out, run into the 'gym', work out for 45 or so minutes, hop back into their cars and drive the nearest burger joint. Funny, eh?
BTW, orgainic, orgshmanic. Food is food. I've eaten food that is really organic (you really don't want to know where the fertilizer came from) to stuff that had some many chemicals applied to it. Yes, some things are very dangerous, but we don't use them anymore. I stay away from rBST, as it may cause allergic reactions (it is an antibiotic, a drug, and is bad for cattle) but other stuff I look for the best value.
Good luck on your job search. I know that level of frustration.

[Dennis D]

Ever thought about working for the E network, you are certainly hot enough and you always gave good interviews.

[Dennis D]

Just to add to that, you may have to start answering the phone if you want a Job lol.

[Anonymous.]

I have phone phobia as well. In fact, a lot of the times I just leave my phone turned off.

:)

[Dennis D]

So Anonymous why do you have a phone if your not gonna turn it on, why bother wasting the money at all

[Liana]

Eek!! I could listen to her sales pitch, I may even allow her to weigh (while I look the other direction, I haven't seen how much I weigh in a long time and I'd like to keep it that way), but once she whipped out that fat pinching contraption, I would've been outta there!

How is Brendan? :)

[Anonymous.]

Oh, I have the phone turned on sometimes. Besides it's a GoPhone, so I only pay ten dollars a month for it.

[mike]

Why would you think she is probably a good trainer after spouting off such babble as the 40% more nutritious line, not to mention the old wives tale about 8 glasses of water a day ??
Though I do know a lot of fit and smart people who still cling to that water thing... even doctors actually, though there has never been a medical study to back it up or suggest it.
I would tend to think that she had no idea what she was doing about anything and perfectly happy to make crap up to sound like she did.
That's the most dangerous kind of teach for anything...

[John]

What's wrong with 8 glasses of water? One should always have a little water with their whiskey (scotch? anyone) It clears the palate, keeps you hydrated, and makes training bare able. It made a believer out of me. Why just the other day I believe I saw Ms. Lane doing some crunches on a candy bar.

[zOMG]

Soy Milks raises estrogen levels? I'm screwed!

Oh well, I'm still gonna drink it. Tis gooood. I just hope I don't suddenly sprout a fagina. =)

[russell]

The body is an amazing thing. It has a way of letting you know when you arn't getting enough water. It's called "being thirsty" lol

[Chris]

semi-sweet chocolate chips rule!!! I love the homemade chocolate chip cookies but if you find yourself being lazy as I often do, eating the chips almost is the same!

[John]

By the way I need a personal trainer so if you need a job that will be the challenge of a lifetime, email me. You're hired.

[Kyle]

I know this has nothing to do with the blog, but since your a cali girl I was just wondering if you are super happy the Ducks won the Stanley Cup?

[Phil]

I actually had a personal trainer not pressure me at all to do more sessions. She did three sessions with me that were free, and then just left it alone. At the first meeting, she said I was already quite fit and that she knew some women that would kill for my waist line. During our training sessions she couldn't help me much because she didn't have the ability to lift the weights I needed. Also, that we only could meet once a week and I go to the gym 4-5 times a week probably influenced things a bit.
Those sqeezing devices are highly inaccurate. Go to the gym because you want to go to the gym. If you go expecting a lot of results, then you will probably end up not hitting your goals, getting discouraged, and stop going.