Brendan Moran's Exciting Travel Adventures

Rio

I could live in Rio. If only I spoke Portuguese. The language barrier has taken a little getting used to here in Brazil. We've been spoiled and lazy in India for the past three months, where most people speak enough English.

Now we're back to pointing and grunting. I bought a Portuguese phrase book, but every time I think to try out one of my new phrases, I freeze up. I usually just smile and point.

We're in Ipanema. I guess it's the classy part of town. I know it's summer here, but there are about ten thousand people on the beaches in the middle of the week. It's packed. It looks like a city of large sun umbrellas. I guess maybe these people all work at night. Otherwise, I can't figure out how there could be so many people (all young, fit, and seemingly career-oriented) on the sand.

Everybody seems to work out here. And the men all shave their chests. It's a little weird.

It's also very expensive. At least compared to Indian standards, which we're used to. The bar bill the other night was equal to a four night stay in beach shack in Goa.

I woke up with a pinched nerve in my neck, so I was laid up for about two days. It was a shame, but at least we had a couch and cable TV. Though the selection on these channels is always strange. Of the English speaking ones, I had two movie channels, and a third devoted entirely to the show, "Smallville." I just couldn't get into it. I'd like to meet the head of programing at the Universal Channel and ask him or her some pretty direct questions like, "Deep Blue Sea? Come on, man. I can't move my neck here!"

At one point I had the choice between two dog-based films. In one of them, the dogs talked with the voices of some pretty big name talent. Toby McGuire, Alec Baldwn, and I believe Susan Sarandon in a bid to save the dog world for evil cats or something. The other dog movie rehashed the old "dog as cop" premise. No, not "K-9" staring Jim Belushi, but another one with a younger guy and a shaggier dog. I spent most of my time with the first dog movie.

Then "Star Wars: Episode 3" came on and all was forgiven.

Fun's Over

We're near the southern tip of India in a town called Kochi.  It's not exactly a welcome change from the beach in Goa, where we spent the past week.  I didn't want to leave, but Sarah insisted.  Damn her. That beach was a vacation from my vacation.  Leaving it even felt like having to come back home from a vacation.  You know, when you dread going back to work, dealing with groceries, taking out the garbage.

Except I don't do any of those things.  Ahhhh.

Clint Eastwood

Sitting down to lunch yesterday, an Indian guy with his girlfriend at the next table leaned over and asked, "Excuse me, are you Clint Eastwood?"

"Ha.  No," I said.

"Clint Eastwood is like seventy-five years old," interjected my wife.

A strange question, I thought.

"Yeah maybe it's the hat," I said.  I was wearing my hat at the time. 

The guy just kind of looked at me.

"At least it's not Chuck Norris this time," Sarah said taking a bite of her sandwich.  Back in Bali, I was called Chuck Norris twice in one day on account of my red beard.  I shaved it soon after.

"I AM American.  So..." I thought out loud. 

"Oh, I know," said the Indian.  He was not being playful.

Am I being insulted somehow, I thought?  Clearly, this guy knows I'm not Clint Eastwood, so why say that?  I mean, it's not like it's funny or anything.  Maybe he's just jealous of my red beard.  I mean who wouldn't be right? 

Yeah, that's it.